Foreword
Everyone in good form at airport. Couple of Moscow Mules with the girls to take the edge off. Ken skipped the burger and chips and was eating a salad in a vain attempt to shed a couple of ounces but as an experienced campaigner I knew he’d be fooked either way. Like a lot of the newbies he was picturing Callary Hill as the benchmark but Calvary Hill would have been more apt.
All participants were doing their utmost to convince whoever would listen that they had done no training, hadn’t seen the bike and were going to struggle when we got over. To be honest I thought they were kidding but when I saw them tog out the next day I realised that they had in fact done nothing. Shameful bunch of athletes. Belpark they are not.
Got to the far side where we had to follow Laura’s extremely detailed instructions where she had block booked a pillar outside the arrival gates in Palma Airport for us to meet up otherwise we could have ended up anywhere. At that stage we knew we were in safe hands.
Got to the hotel and settled in for the night with my roomie which was pleasant. It was only after two days of sleeping together that we realised that my walk in wardrobe was actually a spare bedroom. The double bed was very comfortable and the whole dynamic reminded me of a Doris Day movie.
Day One
We all gathered for the team photo in our new gear (Tx Sarah). As you can see Laura block booked another pillar in case we got lost. You can spot Becky is trying to hide her face in case Piranha spot her and we were good to go. First day there was an understanding that we would just open the legs and get in some rolling hills with nobody trying to push the pace.
Everyone got on well and a lunch of coke and baguettes were had. It was at this point that I realised that the kitty was open to complete corruption as each coffee seemed to cost each individual €10. Anyway after lunch the pace increased as people were keen to get back for a swim (go figure). Some of us went for hydration instead.
Couple of pints that night. Everyone in good spirits. Nothing too dramatic to report. Sea is calm. All going well.
Day Two
Wheels gradually start to come off. I didn’t get a good night’s sleep as my roomie had baked a flan and we spent a couple of hours eating and chatting over multiple cups of tea. By the time we realised what hour it was it was time to get back on the bikes.
Anyway Laura had arranged that the groups were to split into different routes and I was in for the MA10 which is a bit of a hike but very manageable. We met at the designated pillar and got the bus out to the start which happened to be at the bottom of a climb.
I thought most of us were fairly experienced cyclists but as the saying goes; if you can’t spot the sucker at the poker table you are the sucker.
Which leads me on to the lovely Ed Crotty. He took to the front at the start of the hill and pushed the pace. As you always say to a novice – ‘attack the climb aggressively’. It was lovely to see. Head rockin’ from side to side. Wearing a jacket which would cause him to overheat and plenty of encouragement from behind to go faster. We were directly on his wheel. He was like a baby seal and us like sharks sensing the blood in the water. By the top of the first climbed he was banjacked and we were only about 7k in with 100k to go. One down.
Scenery was spectacular and lovely coffee stops along the way. Everyone was getting on fine.
Into the second climb and half way up my chain comes off. Shite. But it turns out I’ve caught a break. When I catch up I only meet Dave, Kevin and John O’Leary. Kevin is messing with his bike trying to damage it as he’s had enough of this cycling. The rest of the group have taken a detour with more climbing. Ed (again?) and this time Ryan have gone on the detour up and down an extra hill. Dave and myself just nodded to each other – Ryan would not be happy. Two down. John O’Leary headed on up the road while Kevin managed to do enough damage to ensure it had to go back to the bike shop. The recovery van picked him. Three down. DaveBoy and myself left and I could see Dave was getting nervous being stuck with a mountain goat like myself. After much indecision we headed off and eventually everyone met up for lunch where we hooked up with the detoured group. Ryan was shattered while Ed was cooked.
Over lunch the sun and heat started to rise and I knew the next climb (Puig Major) was going to be tricky. Kevin managed to meet us for lunch after getting a new bike with a motor and we were good to go.
Up the climb we went. It started nicely but Ronie then realised we were going to be late for the Yoga and started to increase the pace. It wasn’t comfortable for GiGi, Ryhino and myself but luckily we got a break and Becky and Orla crashed. Thank God. What a stroke of luck.
We spent a while looking after them and I made sure that they had lots of attention and time to regroup. GiGi and myself squirted water at each other in a completely innocent way to cool each other down from the mid-day sun. Ronie was not happy with the delay and it was only at this stage he confessed that he was trying to break some record for this ascent. This did not go down well with GiGi and myself and when I turned to Ryan for support we noticed he was gone. We looked in the ditch for him but then realised he had kept cycling when the crash other. Publicly I was absolutely and utterly disgusted but deep down I admired his Northern ass.
We hoped on the bikes and took off. Ronie chasing his record followed by Kevin and the two lovely ladies. GiGi and myself were hanging on at the back yo-yoing. The mid-day pints the previous day were not a good idea. The heat was savage. However more luck. Kevin got a puncture and had to stop. I said that I would chase Ryaner while GiGi said he’d mind me (so to speak) so we headed off and left the four of them behind. Eventually we caught the Northern guy and the others caught us and we all made it to the top together, sort off with Ronie, Orla and Kevin a good few minutes ahead of the rest of us.
In the bar that night we got word from Chuck that all was ok in Dublin and he had turned off the lights in UCD and was about to lock up. A big cheer went up and we agreed to some celebratory drinks and a toast, O Flower of Scotland…
Unfortunately we had to say goodbye to some of the group like Ronie, Kevin, Anna and Ruth. I’d miss Anna and Ruth but good riddance to Ronie. We were now halfway through the weekend.
Day Three
A good nights sleep as we had Horlicks and buttery biscuits in our room in front of the fire as we watched La La Land on the Ipad which sent me off to la la land.
We regrouped that morning and Oisin made a big play off dashing out from his apartment saying he was going to go for a 10 hour run instead of a cycle. Reception confirmed that he went straight back to bed as soon as we were round the corner.
Again different groups and today was an eye opener to the dynamic of the different groups. I went out with my group, made lunch and on the way back I got lost and disorientated. My group was gone.
I was caught on a roundabout not knowing where to go when Sarah’s group came spinning down the road singing Gospel music as they cycled. I got on the back of them.
They were in a big line absolutely synchronized with every movement. Each pedal stroke was the same and when they approached a roundabout, Debbie, their tour guide, shouted ‘left hand please’ and they all in unison put out their left hands together. It was like being in a Mary Poppins film. They were playing cards, cross stitching and knitting while they cycled. Each of them had a basket at the front and a bell on their bikes. They were chatting joking and singing. It was a beautiful sight and I realised at that moment that cycling is not always about cruel pain, grunting, pushing hard and going to a dark place. It can also be an enjoyable experience.
Day Four
Last night went well. Didn’t sleep so good as oven isn’t great in the apartment and I think the baked alaska was undercooked but I didn’t want to say anything. The bottle of Port with the cheese was nice.
The day of reckoning and we are down to a core group of 4. Becky, Orla, My Spanish twin, Tutti Frutti and myself.
We head off and are hitting a big climb at the start. I know Sa Calobra is later that afternoon and I should be saving myself but our cycle guide is a bit of a peacock so I want to stretch him. We start late behind everyone else and I am blown away by the effort my friends are making on the climb from the other groups. Sarah is pushing hard. Kevin is wearing fooking runners. Ger is jet lagged and going strong. Aideen, Deirdre, Kate, Catherine – all of you are brilliant and what the club is about.
Halfway up and our 4 are going well and pushing the guide. I make a break for the top but peak too soon (what’s new) and am pulled back. It is a lovely climb and we all summit together and meet up with the rest of them. Then we tackle Sa Calobra. A crowd of us descend together and take some photos. We are at the bottom and groups take it in turns to go back up. Alan has joined our group and we are now 5 and off we go. A nice steady pace is set and we get to half way where I happen upon my roomie with a puncture. I know we have pears marinating in the fridge for later with homemade vanilla ice-cream but I want to try and keep up with my group. As I glide by he shows what a true gent he is by encouraging me on with a wave using just one finger.
We are over halfway there and Becky and Orla start upping the pace. Tutti Frutti has stopped to take a photo of his lovely country while Alan begs me not to leave him behind. I am team leader. What can I do? I shout to the girls to go on. I’ll wait for Al.
Good job too as there is no way I was keeping up with those two. We all get to the top which is an amazing experience and I have saved Al (sort of). Becky does an incredible time closely followed by Orla (what a star). Al and myself can just watch from afar (not that afar) and admire.
A great end to a great tour.
On behalf of all the members I just want to offer our deepest deepest thanks to Sarah, Mark, Ruth, John etc for what they have done for us. Special thanks of course to Laura who organised a hard to be repeated event which we will all remember. Thank you.
Postscript
You may have heard that GiGi and myself are going into business together with a new venture. We are calling it ‘GuinnessPaella Tours’. We are not sure what we will be touring but either way I’ll be at the front while he will be smoking at the back.
We will be hiring soon and also looking for seed capital so if any of you are interest just send me your details.
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